‘We’re calling this ‘controlling what you can when things feel out of control’” says Olaf the snowman in Frozen 2. A group of kids are stabbing icicles into his face, but he is smiling. He’s entertaining them in the aftermath of magical chaos, and he is in control of what he can control, which is himself. Self-control might be the only real control we have. We can’t control the weather, or our health, or the price of our groceries. As much as we might wish to, we can’t control the choices of other people or whether they like us. The only thing we really have control over is ourselves.

We heard Paul talk about self-control in 1 Corinthians where he brings up the self-control that athletes have, but he’s not encouraging the Corinthians to start training for marathons. He is explaining to them why he dedicates his life to telling people the story of Jesus. I mean, why would he put so much effort into a job that doesn’t pay anything? As a runner trains purposefully to win a race, so Paul says his choices are purposeful. He’s not running aimlessly, but with intention. “I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I might become a partner in it.” he says in verse 23. Paul is answering God’s call, and he’s not doing it half-way.

His point isn’t about the winning, but about the way that an athlete prepares to win. They mold their life around it. They control and train their body to do what it needs to do, believing that they can and will win. These verses remind me of a clip I saw during the Olympics this year about the training schedule of a figure skater, cause that’s what I like to watch. Every day they wake early to practice their routines. They eat nutritious food to power their training. They exercise off the ice to build their strength. And they rest, because taking care of their muscles and getting enough sleep are essential parts of how they stay in the competition.  Self-control can be gentle too and certainly includes knowing when you need to rest.

So, these two fruits are actually very connected, because gentleness is not a sign of weakness; gentleness is a sign of self-control. Being gentle is a choice you make which sometimes takes a lot of strength. For example, I am generally not my most gentle at three in the morning, but for my daughter, I will myself to get up and gently respond to her needs.

You might recall that in my first sermon after coming back from maternity leave, I talked about how becoming a mother has deepened my perspective on God’s love for us. I wondered aloud if God loves us the way that I find myself loving my daughter. Well right after that, I found the perfect book. It’s called “Love Like a Mother: How the Sacred Work of Motherhood Reveals the Maternal Heart of God” by Elizabeth Berget. This book is a beautiful deep dive into the motherhood of God. She lifts up scriptures where God is compared to mothers, and descriptions of God that have motherly roots. Her point is that when we are caring for children, we are imaging God.

Whether we are responding to needy newborns or loving grown children from a distance, we can find communion with God within the experiences of parenthood. Pregnancy, labor, adoption, infertility, child loss, and childcare are all metaphors used in the Bible to describe the way God loves us. This book made me laugh and cry, a lot. If you are a mother, or you love someone who is, I think you might enjoy it. You can borrow my copy, but you will have to deal with the fact that I underline a lot. Sorry not sorry.

God is gentle with us, responding to us with tenderness like a mother, choosing to love us regardless of our sticky fingers and bad attitudes. She says, “Our limitations don’t surprise God. Our needs are not too great for God. Our failures are not too disappointing. Our limitations are not too irritating.” (158) Even though a mother’s work never ends, she says, “God, like a mother bending at every tug on her hem and responding to every need that we have… meeting us in our exhaustion with all the kindness and gentleness of a mother.” (171) Even Jesus was constantly being interrupted. He literally had someone tugging on his hem at one point, and he didn’t have to stop and talk to her, but he did, because that is just who God is. God gets out of bed at three in the morning and comes to us when we cry out. True strength is under control, and God is gentle in a way that is strong. Mothers are a force to be reckoned with.

The word for gentleness in Paul’s list of fruits of the Spirit is the same word that is translated as meekness in Matthew 5:5 when Jesus says the meek will inherit the earth. This is the imperishable wreath for which we strive. The ongoing creation of the beloved community of God which is kind and gentle each other. The way of Christ that leads to salvation is having the strength to care for each other even when it is hard. Such gentleness might seem weak or foolish to some. I mean, why bother being nice if it doesn’t pay, right? But these things are hidden from the wise and revealed to infants. It is the meek who are strong.

Gentle strength puts to shame those who think they are strong but have no restraint or compassion. They are like boxers swinging at the air until they collapse exhausted. So, Jesus says to us “Come and learn from me.” I am gentle, my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. This world can make us harsh and stiff, but Jesus knows we need to soften and to stretch. God longs for us to lay down and rest, like a parent who knows how badly their toddler needs to take a nap. We are running, not for a wreath that withers, but for one that lasts eternally. We are building strength, not through power and domination, but through gentleness and self-control. And if we want to win that victory, we’ve got to live like we really mean it.

Train yourself in self-control. Learn to regulate your emotions and respond instead of reacting. Without self-control, the book of proverbs says, we are like a city breached, without walls. We have no defenses against that which would steal our joy and destroy our peace. Learn to control yourself because it is the only thing you can control. Train yourself in gentleness. Live like you know that rest is essential, yours and everyone else’s. Give grace to your neighbor like they are God’s own child. Choose the path of compassion, not because it pays out in cash, but because it pays out in Spirit. Amen.