“The status quo has a lot of power; even when we don’t like it, it’s what we know. But confronting what is broken or harmful or evil or dangerous is the beginning of healing our souls and the world around us. Keeping silent about what’s wrong or unjust or simply uncomfortable doesn’t change anything.”

Rev. Dr. Jacqui Lewis

When I was kid, there was this group that came and led an assembly at my elementary school, and they taught us all a song. As far as I can remember, I only heard it the once, but I have remembered it ever since. It’s one of those songs that gets stuck in my head at the most random times. The chorus went like this: “If it is to be it is up to me. Only 20 letters. 10 two letter words. If it is to be it is up to me. My character will help decide my destiny.”[1]

I did a little googling, and this was, of course, a 90’s thing. My school assembly was led by a group called Character Counts, which still exists though I don’t know if they sing that song anymore. Maybe they should, it stuck with me! This group travels to schools and teaches kids the six pillars of character: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship. Their goal is to help kids build good character and create a positive school culture.

That’s kind of what Paul is doing with the Romans in our scripture passage. He is trying to help them create a positive church culture in Rome. Paul had not been to Rome. Unlike all the Gentile churches he started, the church in Rome seems to be made up mostly of Jewish followers of Christ at this point. The members of the Roman church had a lot of negative feelings about the Gentiles they lived among. They felt that they were godless and wicked and ignorant. Enough so that Paul knew about it and felt the need to call them out on it.

 In the first chapter of Romans, Paul lays out everything that they hate about the Gentiles and then he turns it all around on them, saying that they commit the same sins the Gentiles do. He says, “Do you show contempt for the riches of God’s kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4) In other words, do you not realize how much grace God has already given you for your mistakes? And yet you write other people off as if God doesn’t love them the same? He makes a case that God is as much for the Gentiles as God is for the Jews. He wants them to hear that every human being needs God’s kindness and patience, and every human being can find God and do good. So, they can’t just write off the Gentiles, God wants hope and healing for them too.

This is Paul confronting them boldly, with moral courage, which is our step towards Fierce Love today. Moral Courage means acting on your values and beliefs, when there is a risk or a disadvantage to doing so. Moral courage means overcoming your fear and doing what is right when it goes against the status quo. For example, in choosing to become Open and Affirming, I believe that our church did something morally courageous. We knew that some people would not accept it, and we knew that it might even draw some negative attention to us, but we also knew that it was right, and so we voted 100% for the inclusion of everyone here.

Paul was Jewish like them. He would know why they felt so strongly about the Gentiles of Rome. I mean, they were living in the heart of the Roman Empire. He also knew Jewish scripture better than most, so he would understand exactly what they’re struggling to accept. But Paul knew Gentiles now, too. He knew Gentiles from many different cities, and he cared about them. So, he confronts the church in Rome because he knows there are good people in Rome. He knows that these societal divisions are harmful, and that healing needed to occur there, just as it does everywhere.

So, he reminds them in this passage of who they are. You are Christians. Love each other genuinely. Pursue hospitality for strangers. Bless those who persecute you. If your enemies are hungry, feed them. This is what Jesus taught us to do. These are the pillars of Christian Character. Based on the evidence that they kept the letter, I’d say it helped transform them. Sometimes we need people to do that for us. Like when you don’t realize that you’re hangry (which means hungry and therefore angry) until someone asks you if you might need to eat something. Sometimes we need people to call us out, so that our character can get better.

For Rev. Lewis this happens with her father, who she calls out on some of his behaviors for the health of their relationship. He doesn’t take it well initially, but with time he comes to respect her for standing up to him and drawing a boundary that day. She says of her parents that “Confronting hard things was what real love looked like. Honoring and loving them meant using my true voice to build a grown-up relationship with them.” She wanted to have a close relationship with her parents, but their relationship was broken. She had to face what was uncomfortable and say what was on her mind so that they could get past it. Her point, she writes, is that “We must turn toward the things that need changing and try to change them.” She includes this quote from James Baldwin, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

Arrogance and avoidance can’t change things for the better, but moral courage can. Speaking up for yourself, and confronting others about past wounds or problematic behavior is an honorable, moral, and courageous thing to do. It is being truthful, though you will want to try to do so in a way that conveys your respect and care for this person if you want to leave the door open for reconciliation. You can’t control anyone but yourself, so there’s no guarantee that you can fix every broken relationship. But if you don’t confront the uncomfortable, it might never change, never get better.

So, consider that perhaps there are ways you can grow by working on your relationships. Though you are never obligated to put yourself in a situation that’s dangerous, and only you can decide what relationships are right for you. Consider what wisdom God might have for you, in facing the thing or person you don’t want to face and finding a way to love. Consider your own peace, your spirit, and what it does to you to have this broken relationship. Perhaps they are unhappy too but need a push to break the repetition.

We only have control over ourselves. If someone confronts you with an uncomfortable truth about your behavior, it really hurts. People have called me out before too. It feels embarrassing, and you might want to lash out with anger or dissolve into sadness, but those aren’t your only options. Remember that this person has just been honest with you. That is hard to do, and probably not something they would do if they didn’t want to work on their relationship with you.

The only thing that might be harder than standing up for yourself, is taking that criticism from someone else and using it to grow into a better person. It’s hard to look honestly at your own character and ask if you are really being who you want to be. And if you aren’t who you want to be, it’s ok for you to change, no matter how long it’s been. It is okay to apologize for the past and look forward. Move past what keeps you stuck. Whatever it is, you can start working on it now, and you don’t have to nail it every time. We are all working on our character, not just the elementary school students.

Now is a great time for all of us to grow in moral courage. Because a fundamental part of being a Christian is caring about other people and allowing that care to transform us. We model ourselves after a God who is love, and what Jesus taught, which is not easy stuff. Paul’s instructions are to outdo one another in showing honor. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. We should not repay evil for evil, but we should feed our enemy when they are hungry. At least he didn’t say that if someone slaps us, we have to turn the other cheek! Oh wait… someone else said that.  As one meme I saw recently put it: We should be so kind that it freaks people out.

Fierce love is truthful, respectful, responsible, fair, caring, and interested in the well-being of all the citizens of God’s kin-dom. It is the embodiment of good character in our relationships, which may not always look like you’d expect, God’s stories are full of the unexpected, full of surprising characters who change things. Sometimes, fierce love means confronting what is broken or harmful or evil or dangerous, which might be how we begin to heal our souls, our relationships, and the world around us.

Bold and courageous love transforms our circumstances and paves the way for our reconciliation with God and each other. If it is to be it is up to us, which is still only 20 letters, 10 two-letter words. Confront what needs confronting. Change your circumstances with moral courage. Cultivate the relationships and world you want by facing what is broken with fierce love. Do so in the hope that together, and with God, we can find our way to wholeness. Amen.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwrukVMXDf0