Doubt. It’s gotten a bad rap in religious circles. Don’t doubt. Don’t question. Just believe. And if you fall away from the faith, it must be because you doubted too much. You didn’t have enough faith. Or didn’t have the right faith with the right answers.

The religious are great at blaming the victim. Even the religious who worship the innocent victim who died on the cross.

The innocent victim who was blamed for all that was going wrong in society. See how he blesses those unwed mothers and those on welfare and those sex workers… those who won’t work to earn proper healthcare, he just went around feeding and healing them and making people lazy and entitled. So the religious killed him.

He came with peace and healing and what’s the thanks we give him? We make him the ultimate scapegoat. And he comes back with more peace. More healing.

But Thomas wasn’t there when he came back. Thomas was gone. Where? I don’t know, the scriptures don’t say. Maybe he needed to grieve apart from the others. The loss of his friend. His teacher. His messiah. Everyone experiences grief differently. Maybe Thomas was off getting a tattoo in honor of his friend. Or doing yoga. Or he was on a prayer retreat. Or he just needed to blow off steam at the tavern. Or he had to get away from town… whatever the reason, he wasn’t in the locked room the first time Jesus appeared.

So his friends tell him this crazy tale! Jesus is alive! No, he’s not. No one comes back from crucifixion. Rome doesn’t let people go. The crowds were whipped into a frenzy by a threatened religious institution who would accept nothing short of blood. God didn’t demand this, we did. We are the frenzied pack that needs blood to feel secure. But the God-in-Christ doesn’t stoop to our level. He enters the locked room and says, “Peace be with you.” He shows them the wounds and once again says “Peace be with you.” Peace be with the denier. The betrayer. Those who abandoned me in my greatest time of need. Peace be to the faithful women who never left my side.

But Thomas doubts. And who said doubting is bad? Not Jesus! Jesus questioned the religious establishment at every step and that’s what got him killed. The God I follow is big enough for my doubt. The God I follow even doubted everything in the Garden of Gethsemane but still had enough faith to say, “Let your will be done.” Who said doubting is bad? The religious. The medieval church that needed all the power and control. The church with all its creeds, doctrine, and dogma who says, “Believe all of this! ALL OF IT! And do exactly what we say, then you’ll be saved.” That’s not the good news. That’s works righteousness by another name. That’s what’s offered by massive religious institutions of every age. I know John writes “For fear of the Jews” in today’s Scripture reading which is unfortunate. It’s anti-Semitic, and we see the damage done by such phrases throughout history. We must stand in solidarity with our Jewish kin and our fellow humans of other faiths. When I come to such a phrase in the Gospel of John, I replace it with “the religious establishment.”

That’s who doesn’t want you to doubt. Just fall in line. We offer you a well-ordered life, free of trouble. Just do what we say. Believe what we tell you. Keep your head down, don’t rock the boat. Or we will excommunicate you. Or kill you. The moment you feel you must defend an institution to the death, you’re off base.

Jesus never chastises Thomas for his questions. He gives Thomas what he needs, and it’s Thomas who makes the shift from Jesus as teacher and Messiah to Jesus as God. Jesus as mystically united and one with the God of everything and everyone. Thomas is the first to say, “My Lord and my God!”

God can handle your doubt. It’s people who can’t. God is patient and kind and does not insist on God’s own way because God is love. It’s people who don’t. Myself included. There is a healthy amount of doubt that we need to have to live an authentic life of faith. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt, it’s certainty. “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” We walk not by sight and certainty, but by faith… and doubt is an essential part of faith. A healthy dose of doubt… for there are unhealthy doses of doubt.

I saw on social media protestors at the statehouse in Columbus. They are protesting Governor DeWine and Dr. Acton’s decision to shut down the state. They are doubting the need to shut down. They say the government just wants to control us. The signs are disturbing. The movement is growing with other rallies in Michigan, Pennsylvania and other states.

This level of doubt of experts has led us to a form of social anarchy. The idea is that the individual should be completely free and unregulated. As if we are unattached to our neighbor. We in the United Church of Christ believe in two things: autonomy and covenant. Yes, you are an individual, but you are also connected to others in covenant.

Christ demonstrated how he was his own person. He spoke his faith. He questioned authority. He pointed out hypocrisy. Yet he never dehumanized or resorted to violence. He never broke covenant and in fact made a new covenant with the people. Jesus said what he said to get the institutions of his day to act in accordance to their purpose: to lift up the widow, to bless the poor, to welcome the outcast and stranger for those who founded the intuition were once slaves in Egypt. How quickly we forget. How quickly we quest for power and domination.

For those who won’t abide by the social distancing or won’t listen to any voice but their own… they have forgotten covenant. And those who say “Conform or die” have forgotten autonomy. We must learn to live in the tension of covenant and autonomy. Of individual and community. Of faith and doubt.

There are forces out there still that won’t let you doubt. It’s not just massive religious powers, it’s also corporations, political parties, and more. You can pick them out by how nervous they are around questions. They need to show you that they are in control at all times. The room is locked and secure. There’s no way anyone can get in. They have no patience for doubt. They demand you conform and use only their brand, drink their coffee, eat ONLY their hamburgers that you’ll be love’n it because you’ll have it your way.

In reaction to that, it’s tempting to trust no one but yourself. To be an island. To doubt everything and everyone. Only you and your corkboard have the dots connected, the rest is fake news.

Both offer a false comfort.

For us, the followers of our questioning rabbi who was put to death by threatened institutions… We shall do as Ronald Regan once said, “Trust but verify.” We will both trust our community and be in covenant with our neighbor. Yet we will also reserve the right to doubt and question, which is needed for individuals to grow and flourish. For when we are free to doubt, we are also the first to get an epiphany!

Did y’all really see the risen Christ?! And then he’s right in front of you, giving you just what you need and your response shall be that great phrase given by Thomas… Thomas who models this growth through questions and how to flourish in the tension of doubt and faith… “My Lord and my God.” Amen.

Bibliography

Julio Vincent Gambuto, Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting, https://forge.medium.com/prepare-for-the-ultimate-gaslighting-6a8ce3f0a0e0

Tim Craig, Scott Wilson, and Shayna Jacobs, Governors confront political furor as they plot a cautious course for reopening. The Washington Post, April 15, 2020 at 7:43 p.m. EDT, https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/governors-reopen-economy-new-york-california-pennsylvania-new-jersey/2020/04/15/5b33cdba-7f55-11ea-8013-1b6da0e4a2b7_story.html

Doubt, A History. By Jennifer Michael Hecht, Harper Collins Publishers, 2004.